Are you different, can I be different, too?
Nobody knows you, Nobody knows you, like I do...
The song holds a lot of meaning... I've never looked at it as anything between a guy and a girl because I've never been able to see it fit the song. When I listen to it I picture a gray day in the winter, like black and white, and he's writing a song and has a lot on his mind but just wants someone he cares about to know something important. It's not really a meaning to be explained since songs are just amazing like that... I don't think I've ever seen it fit in relationship consequences too much. Maybe a bit but no.
I hope things don't get too crazy while I'm away. My mom threatened for me to not see my dad on Thanksgiving because she's just loved doing that to me ever since I was little, but I don't know how I'm going to react if she follows through. I'm contemplating whether or not to just leave and catch a bus or something to his house just to spend a few hours with him, but I'm not too sure what the consequences of that would be... like the cops swarming my dad's house for something he didn't do, or putting everything into chaos and not having anything when I get back here. I just don't want what happened when I was little to happen again... it was way too much for a 7 through 10 year old to be involved in. She may have pretty much stolen me when I was ten and drove me to Tennessee but she can't just keep doing that. I'm not little anymore and I don't care how much of my mom she is, she can't just kick me around like a ball and hurt me like that. It's emotional and mental abuse. Call me a rebel and tell me I'm wrong, but I'm not going through that again. It was too much... I won't jump at the chance to argue and I won't instigate or say things out of spite. I don't even know if things will go downhill or not- maybe it'll be peaches and cream and I'll get back here safe, sound and ready to go, but I guarantee there's a 5 percent chance of that because it never holds over well. I'll just sit back and watch what happens, and if things start getting ridiculous I'll take the wheel, because the last time I was being handled by adults it didn't pull over so well, and now that I can legally make my own decisions on at least who I want to live with things shouldn't get too out of hand. I'll pray about it, but really, I'm not being tossed about anymore. My foot is on the ground. I don't want to hurt either of them, but they need to realize that it's time they've quit fighting over someone who's listening and watching. I might not be an adult yet but I'm well on my way and know how to decide things for myself and I don't need them trampling me...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUk5SZ18WhY
This song almost makes me cry when I hear it...
Steven Curtis Chapman- Cinderella
Tomorrow awaits...
Night nights.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
If only I could find the words...
"Now I'm sunny with a high of 75 since you took my heavy heart and made it light..."
" I hope it snows this week, A snow flake on your cheek would make this Christmas so Beautiful... But that would just bring the pain, Cause things can’t stay the same
These Holidays won’t be wonderful..."
Dear Relient;
You really have your ways of making people happy, but you also have your ways of making people sad. Afterall, words are the most powerful thing.
Love,
The No Named Face.
I was listening to my play list earlier and that song came on, and I began realizing with a very sorrowful feeling that you don't have to have been in a relationship to understand a broken heart, but that a broken heart is a broken heart and they all hurt... and that people just can't get over their broken heart no matter how it had gotten broken. Someone's heart could be broken over the death of a loved one almost as much as it was broken over a break-up. Because it all falls under losing someone you love and I know that feeling from when I was little, and from experiences recent... I feel selfish for not understanding that long ago and I'm sorry for it.
I wish I would have understood this then and I wish I would have been there. I can't heal a broken heart. But all I can say now is that my phone is on all day, during class and at 3 am and my hugs are always free. And I'll have to forgive myself for being the jerk I was no matter how long ago that was, because God can't forgive me if I can't forgive others and if I can't forgive myself...
Anyway in other news, wanna see what happens when my words get all mixed together?
“It's ironic the way we all think,
limiting ourselves to
knowledge of this place,
they leave the rest to sink,
the door left open,
and no name to a face,
They call it naive and think what they may,
but in the end who ran astray, What can I say?
Where are they looking, left or right?
When it all comes down, who's left to fight?
Why do we so often go back on our word?
I wish we didn't think the worst,
I wish these words just didn't hurt.
Why is the eternal labeled absurd?
You never listen to these words said
But you turn around and go ahead,
Must things become so misunderstood?
I wish these regrets would find their way.
but one thing I know is true, that
So often, like the words caught away in the air,
Nobody said that life was fair.
It's undefined why
the dish ran away with the spoon,
why the people we love the most
hold the power to hurt us the most.
Why the closely knitted drift apart
leaving so much locked away
taking pieces of our heart
and leaving in a disarray.
We've got the power of the world in our hands
but so much is unused, nevertheless,
we can't make others understand that
We are the last ones left.
Why do we so often go back on our word?
I wish we didn't think the worst,
I wish these words just didn't hurt.
Why is the eternal labeled absurd?
You never listen to these words said
But you turn around and go ahead,
Must things become so misunderstood?
I wish these regrets would find their way.
but one thing I know is true, that
So often, like the words caught away in the air,
Nobody said that life was fair.
We've come too far to let this go.
so we're taking our regrets,
letting them go,
looking toward the future,
disregarding before,
making a new creed,
running evermore.
Taking these words that way say,
using them like a two-edged sword.
Be careful, however you may, because
Words are a powerful thing afterall.”
I think I should call it Words.
It's a very mixed up song, or poem, or whatever you prefer. I'll save it.
In other other news, I've began realizing another weird thing- I'm not sure why, but I've suddenly developed this habit of just falling in my bed, regardless of what I'm in the middle of or have left to do, and going to sleep. Eventually this habit results in stuff piling in my chair and things scattered about my room, and then it looking like a true teenagers room by the end of the week. After napping I always have somewhere to go, and if I don't I have homework left or I just feel too lazy to clean. I'm a neat-freak, I'm not suppose to feel lazy. I get a full eight hours and still feel lazy. Oh well.
Well I'm done ranting for the day. Now I'm going to be lazy and go to sleep.
G'night. :3
" I hope it snows this week, A snow flake on your cheek would make this Christmas so Beautiful... But that would just bring the pain, Cause things can’t stay the same
These Holidays won’t be wonderful..."
Dear Relient;
You really have your ways of making people happy, but you also have your ways of making people sad. Afterall, words are the most powerful thing.
Love,
The No Named Face.
I was listening to my play list earlier and that song came on, and I began realizing with a very sorrowful feeling that you don't have to have been in a relationship to understand a broken heart, but that a broken heart is a broken heart and they all hurt... and that people just can't get over their broken heart no matter how it had gotten broken. Someone's heart could be broken over the death of a loved one almost as much as it was broken over a break-up. Because it all falls under losing someone you love and I know that feeling from when I was little, and from experiences recent... I feel selfish for not understanding that long ago and I'm sorry for it.
I wish I would have understood this then and I wish I would have been there. I can't heal a broken heart. But all I can say now is that my phone is on all day, during class and at 3 am and my hugs are always free. And I'll have to forgive myself for being the jerk I was no matter how long ago that was, because God can't forgive me if I can't forgive others and if I can't forgive myself...
Anyway in other news, wanna see what happens when my words get all mixed together?
“It's ironic the way we all think,
limiting ourselves to
knowledge of this place,
they leave the rest to sink,
the door left open,
and no name to a face,
They call it naive and think what they may,
but in the end who ran astray, What can I say?
Where are they looking, left or right?
When it all comes down, who's left to fight?
Why do we so often go back on our word?
I wish we didn't think the worst,
I wish these words just didn't hurt.
Why is the eternal labeled absurd?
You never listen to these words said
But you turn around and go ahead,
Must things become so misunderstood?
I wish these regrets would find their way.
but one thing I know is true, that
So often, like the words caught away in the air,
Nobody said that life was fair.
It's undefined why
the dish ran away with the spoon,
why the people we love the most
hold the power to hurt us the most.
Why the closely knitted drift apart
leaving so much locked away
taking pieces of our heart
and leaving in a disarray.
We've got the power of the world in our hands
but so much is unused, nevertheless,
we can't make others understand that
We are the last ones left.
Why do we so often go back on our word?
I wish we didn't think the worst,
I wish these words just didn't hurt.
Why is the eternal labeled absurd?
You never listen to these words said
But you turn around and go ahead,
Must things become so misunderstood?
I wish these regrets would find their way.
but one thing I know is true, that
So often, like the words caught away in the air,
Nobody said that life was fair.
We've come too far to let this go.
so we're taking our regrets,
letting them go,
looking toward the future,
disregarding before,
making a new creed,
running evermore.
Taking these words that way say,
using them like a two-edged sword.
Be careful, however you may, because
Words are a powerful thing afterall.”
I think I should call it Words.
It's a very mixed up song, or poem, or whatever you prefer. I'll save it.
In other other news, I've began realizing another weird thing- I'm not sure why, but I've suddenly developed this habit of just falling in my bed, regardless of what I'm in the middle of or have left to do, and going to sleep. Eventually this habit results in stuff piling in my chair and things scattered about my room, and then it looking like a true teenagers room by the end of the week. After napping I always have somewhere to go, and if I don't I have homework left or I just feel too lazy to clean. I'm a neat-freak, I'm not suppose to feel lazy. I get a full eight hours and still feel lazy. Oh well.
Well I'm done ranting for the day. Now I'm going to be lazy and go to sleep.
G'night. :3
Thursday, November 4, 2010
"So Here I am, once again...
...I'm torn into pieces."
Good song.
So I'm sitting in keyboarding still wondering how the heck I ended up in this class and why. My green suit is fitting all weird but it's keeping me warm. My mom yelled at me all morning because apparently I'm "Doing too many things" (which I'm not. She told me to quit but I'm not a quitter. :(
I like 3rd lunch on odd days. I sit with some good people.
I wish I could read blogs on here but they're all blocked with the school server.
I don't think I'm doing anything tonight.
Or tomorrow night.
I might spend time with Angie :) We haven't had a movie night in forever.
After leaving church last night I really wanted a hug. My arms felt empty like they needed something to cling to (the hug through the window helped a bit, lol :) but for a while I felt really empty. After I got home and listened to some music, wrote and read some I felt pretty good about this upcoming weekend. I can't wait for Oneway :) Even if it's just us three again, though I'm hoping Theo and Brehia will come... we're going to get somewhere I anticipate... not in a bad way but good anticipation :)
By the way, I call shotgun! I'm not getting sick again. But I hope it isn't make Bruce sick... :(
I'm totally pocrastinating. Definitely not doing my stupid microtype, but no one wants to do that anyways...
And now I'm rambling...
Peace!
Good song.
So I'm sitting in keyboarding still wondering how the heck I ended up in this class and why. My green suit is fitting all weird but it's keeping me warm. My mom yelled at me all morning because apparently I'm "Doing too many things" (which I'm not. She told me to quit but I'm not a quitter. :(
I like 3rd lunch on odd days. I sit with some good people.
I wish I could read blogs on here but they're all blocked with the school server.
I don't think I'm doing anything tonight.
Or tomorrow night.
I might spend time with Angie :) We haven't had a movie night in forever.
After leaving church last night I really wanted a hug. My arms felt empty like they needed something to cling to (the hug through the window helped a bit, lol :) but for a while I felt really empty. After I got home and listened to some music, wrote and read some I felt pretty good about this upcoming weekend. I can't wait for Oneway :) Even if it's just us three again, though I'm hoping Theo and Brehia will come... we're going to get somewhere I anticipate... not in a bad way but good anticipation :)
By the way, I call shotgun! I'm not getting sick again. But I hope it isn't make Bruce sick... :(
I'm totally pocrastinating. Definitely not doing my stupid microtype, but no one wants to do that anyways...
And now I'm rambling...
Peace!
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